Do you really understand your spouse? Really?
Unfortunately - too many spouses go through life and
relationships in a totally clueless fashion - as to why "their mates" do the
things they do. And yes, this even occurs in religious communities,
unbeknownst to their neighbors and even each other. Sometimes, they don't
even realize how badly they have gone off track and how poorly they
understand each other - and thus speak and act towards each other. Perhaps
itís considered normal, even as they wonder where all the love has gone
to. It's the typical hopeless-syndrome.
Answers: More often than not, it has more to do with the fact that some of us are just MISSING THE KEY KNOWLEDGE needed to truly understand our wives or husbands (in terms of their underlying motives). This, in turn, translates into an inability to empathize with each other. There is no shame in this. In fact, this may be the most important essay you have ever read (if I may be so bold), and could save your entire family a world of pain. And of course, many of us just need to refresh our Torah learning, as it direclty relates to our outlook, goals and behavior in the marriage.
Men: Why are you not genuinely interested in your ISHA's day? If you practice, it will come... How should she care and share, if you constantly "reject" her (through non-interest)? If you only fix, how can you love this Creature?
If you honestly believe this is the case (and are struggling in a relationship right now), can you honestly say you are prepared to truly understand him/her? Really? How did you prepare? Where did you get your tools? Great, "your family and teachers" is a good answer to the question. But unfortunately, it doesn't end after we get married. In reality, it really boils down to ongoing knowledge and review - most of which can be sifted from the age old wisdom of our Torah. Thank G-D, there are certain books that finally explain why women and men are the way they are - in a language that both can understand.
THE KEY: Once men and women truly understand (and take an interest) each other (in an empathetic way) - they finally start to communicate - and an opening for strong love is created. Many times, they are shocked when confronted with the real reasons behind their spouse's behavior. But too often, this understanding cannot be found, without consulting the wisdom of our Torah.
In my humble opinion, a constant & serious read (and application) of critically important works like "Fulfillment in Marriage"1 (out of print) exponentially increases the ability of couples (both old and new) to protect, solidify and even grow their love - in today's turbulent times. And while there may be other works that contribute to this endeavor, I want to zero in on this extremely powerful work - that I know works.
Actually, my goal is to personally review many other works too - that also contribute to building loving relationships - that are based on Torah values. But for now, we are concentrating on this one review.
praise, appreciation for this brilliant work (Fulfillment in Marriage) are
based on both practical and personal experience. The beauty of this work
is that it can (and should) be constantly read (and reviewed on a regular
basis). For those who are very busy with their lives, a chapter every
Shabbath can do wonders. If youíre too busy, you especially need to read
Why don't we relate to each other anymore?
So What Will It Do For Your Relationship?
book offers priceless and timeless (key) knowledge on how to fall in love
again (or how to deepen your existing bond), based on deep (yet simple)
principles of our Torah (that seem to be mostly unknown or forgotten in
today's times). For many, this book will redefine the way that they look
at each other - in an extremely positive (and natural feeling) way. For
others, it will finally help them to grow up - in a way that guides them
through the process of realizing the greatness of their ability to
complete their mate. In my humble opinion, even the strongest of couples
MUST review this work on a constant basis. To my male readers, your wives
will certainly love you for it - on a very deep level. Hek... even the
children behave better, when Ima and Abba are happier!
site fully endorses this work, and especially encourages our community to
own a copy as soon as possible. You wonít regret it. I have no financial
gain from telling you this, and do not gain (in any way) from the sale of
this work... For those who think they can't afford to own this work - ask
yourself this. How can you afford not to? Although I (unfortunately) have
to admit, this book is expensive and hard to find (out of print).
But more importantly, you will also feel the growth too. In the
end, everyone in your home will benefit from a much happier and more
In addition to content, everything is rigorously footnoted and documented, allowing scholars to delve deeper into the Talmudic and Midrashic sources - as desired. Brilliantly, the author has created two volumes - one for men and one for women. Regardless of whether both couples decide to read their respective books (simultaneously), the effects of either one can have a quick (and sometimes immediate) positive impact on the relationship. Although in my opinion, the long term effects of following this formula is key. But it really is encouraging to see things starting to work so quickly.
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